the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
