His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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