I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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