is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
