So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
