high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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