ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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