Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
accomplished twins. life is a go
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
