Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
