My hand turned me down
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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