In the future we'll all be gay
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
