I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
4 words: hood of his car
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
