Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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