i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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