I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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