i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
