Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
