dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
