Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
