Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
