you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
