craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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