and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
