I want to make a zoo with you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
