You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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