Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize