you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
