foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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