Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
