My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
