I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
