Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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