he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
