Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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