oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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