have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are the jesus of drinking
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
