I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
