I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
