We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
