took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
