We're like a lot better than the average bears
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
