I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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