I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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