i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
