D3 body, D1 cock
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
