I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
