just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
