It's Friday. Sex?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
