the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
