My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
