Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Even my vagina gasped.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
