Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
